Educational Deform

Knowledge is power.  Unfortunately, educational systems have been infamously flawed in creating, molding, and shaping that knowledge in children.   As someone who is training interminably to become one of these educators, I feel as if I’m in a position to relay the inadequacies of this system.  Well, basically, it looks kind of like this:

Ideally, we believe that children have infinite potential, or at the very least a lot of it.  This potential is honed and crafted by education and turned into knowledge.  Knowledge grows as we age, and we become wise, well-adjusted, fully contributing members of society.  And if you’re even half the pragmatist as I am, you know how much that last sentence reeked of garbage. 

In this real world, the educational system is akin to sandpaper.  Potential energy stored up in these children is turned kinetic as these kids are raced down this chute where the school system rubs the potential out of them.   In essence, particularly in urban and poorly funded schools, there is a culture where procuring knowledge and having a passion for learning is highly frowned upon.  Sometimes, kids might even feel threatened by it.  We live in a world dominated by peer pressures that lead towards all the values we try to teach our kids to avoid.  Debauchery, apathy, ignorance, fear, rashness.  I found that this school system is starkly similar to that of the Shinigami world in Death Note, a barren wasteland (see above) where any Death God is ridiculed for doing “work.”

Then of course, we move onto college where we specialize even more.  Basically, we sacrifice having knowledge of many things about the world such as history, art, music, science, language, and so on, so that we can learn all the tiny little nuances about the one subject we major in.  So basically, we become "good" at one thing while we forego every other subject pertinent in our lifetimes, ruining any potential that was left in us.  Is it no wonder that people's careers are so stereotypical?  Then we begin work where we spend long hours at our often fruitless labors, come home and have no idea what to do with our lives except chill out and sleep, and that's it.  Throw in a little reproduction here and there, festive holidays to forget our banal, empty souls, and we can enjoy old age and senility creep up on us where we can experience the joys of having neither potential to grow nor any meaningful knowledge.

How can we change this?  Well, I’d like to believe I can make a difference.  I have yet to give my all to any endeavor in my life yet.  I’d like to believe I have the will, the skill, the intelligence, the savvy, the charisma, and can make a special connection with the kids.   I believe that my joy for science, knowledge, understanding, and criticism can be passed along to those I meet.  And heck, these kids are more or less forced to listen to me, haha.  Will it be too much of a task to handle?  I don’t know, something inside me thinks that it won’t be too hard.  But this teacher training is endless amounts of fluff that vanquishes my hopes and dreams.  Not the difficulty of the material, but the endless commutes, classes, and lectures that no one feels will help them as teachers one bit.  Yes, I know things won’t be that easy, I know it’s not easy to work with kids, but that’s how we learn right?  Through trial and error, through experimentation, like a true philo logos.   Just let me at them already!

A New Era

Debunking Detox

However, we all know that there are certain unscrupulous individuals that prey on fear. People can and will twist facts and data to prove whatever point they are trying to make – this is all part of laissez faire business world. But before we delve into all of this… bottom line: detox diets are at best likely to be completely useless, and at worst will cause much more harm than good to your body depending on how much of a believer you become.

The Detox Diet

So what exactly is a detox diet? I must say I am no “expert” in the field so I had to do a bit of research. Since the motivation for writing this piece all came from watching a detox promo on Fox News, I’ll start with the woman who piqued my interest. Martha Vineyard’s Detox Diet[i] claims you can lose 21 lbs in 21 days while you “release toxins from your body in order to increase vitality, health and energy.”[ii] Sigh. Now, I’m no “certified dietician” but I know enough that drinking blends of fruits and vegetables is healthy for you. Any idiot can prescribe that and say you’re going to lose weight and be healthier. But this is on a whole ‘nother ballpark. Making claims of increasing vitality, health, energy… is this a video game where you can keep track of hit points and magic points or something? And what exactly is a toxin?

Having browsed through several prominent detox diet sites and their authors, I noticed a few things in common with all of them.

1) They all claim to remove toxins without describing what those toxins are and how they harm your body
2) None keep track of any variables before and after detox
3) All the evidence is from testimonials – there are no quantifiable benefits
4) These prominent authors have “masters” and “PhD’s” in things like Natural Medicine, Holistic Healing, Natural Health, Alternative Medicine…

Why should this bother you?

Toxins

First and foremost, these detox people prey on the public’s general ignorance as to what a toxin is and the fear they have of them. They claim that there are toxins everywhere to the food we eat to the things we touch and air we breathe. Here I feel like I am most qualified to deliver a strong rebuttal. I am a B.S. Chemistry graduate (Magna Cum Laude if that matters) from Stony Brook University with a particular interest in health sciences and the way the world works. I work in a laboratory where we work with many “toxins” to improve your lives. I read many health and living articles daily, with a cautious eye of course. Most importantly, I have a fairly good understanding of how the body works, what toxins are out there in the world, and how the body deals with them.

If you are not aware yet, everything in the world is made of “chemicals.” You should have learned in your high school chemistry class that everything is made of atoms and those atoms form compounds. Your body is a symphony of chemicals. What makes it play beautifully are chemicals. There are chemicals that give you fuel like food. There are chemicals that help maintain your body like water. And there are chemicals that screw around with your body, like carbon monoxide. You know carbon monoxide is a poison and a toxin, but why? Iron transports oxygen in the blood, but carbon monoxide binds to the iron and prevents oxygen from being transported in the blood. You suffer an oxygen deficiency and your muscles do not have enough energy to work properly, screwing up your heart, organs, brain, etc.

At the moment I am eating an apple. There are probably hundreds of different chemicals in it but probably only about three are in any significant quantity: water, fructose, and fiber. Sure there are likely to be some toxins in the apple. There might be trace pesticides on the skin and maybe some bacteria or other compounds made by the apple that are harmful to humans. But these are either in too small a quantity to significantly affect us or humans have developed methods of minimizing the effect of these toxins. After all, we’ve been eating apples for how many thousands of years? Most nutritionists agree on eating large quantities of fruits, vegetables, and wheat products. Do they know for sure there are no toxins in them? Or that eating these foods reduces quantities of the other toxins you have in your body? Without any reliable data, how can you possibly make a claim like that! Here's a hint guys, instead of using the word toxin, try giving us actual compounds that are traceable in the body in and out.

Bottom line, ask any of these nutritionists what a toxin is and how they affect us and you’ll probably get either a vague or bullcrap answer. Large scale studies of food toxicology to humans is very expensive, expansive, and often inconclusive. We just plain eat too much damn food and too many kinds of foods to know the exact benefits foods have. Milk does your body good? Why then is there no correlation between drinking milk and hip fractures[iii]? This article is not meant to give anyone dietary advice, but in my opinion the biggest reason these detox diets work is because people eat too much food and too much of that is junk (duh). Once you quit eating these foods, it doesn’t matter that you’re eating from the Garden of Eden or a moderately healthy diet recommended by your doctor , you’re going to get better regardless[iv].

This may be sobering, but there is no evidence that humans are supposed to live for a hundred years or more. Without the advent of modern medicine, our average lifespan was like 50-60 years max right? If you look at nature around us, nothing lives all that long (Except plants. Damned plants). Most animals live long enough to reproduce and that’s about that (Female praying mantis eats male praying mantis after sex[v]. And they don’t even cuddle). Evolution dictates that for a species to survive, we need to reproduce. That’s it. Nothing about it says we’re supposed to live a long time. Our enormous lifespan is due to human ingenuity. That’s all. Fact of the matter is that everything is toxic to us. We’re all on the verge of dying no matter what we do; nothing can stop, slow down, or turn back the aging process. We can do healthy things that will likely make us live longer, but there’s no guarantee to that is there? Think about that before sticking a colonic in your a-hole, as if you needed this reminder.

Science?

As someone on the verge of devoting his life to science, I believe proper science is extremely important before judgments are made. There are many difference from one person to the next, but everyone’s body functions in more or less the same way. So if I hear a claim that eating something will improve my health or reduce toxins, I’d like to know that there’s a study done to prove it and keep track of variables. Did the people that were tested have similar diets before and afterwards? Are any of the people exposed to any particular toxins before? Is there a change in lifestyle, sleep, illnesses, etc? I could make a product and advertise that it’s a cureall and either make up random people who attest how well product worked for them or have friends or acquaintances do the same. Notice:


Super Prunes! These are not your grandmother’s prunes. Infused with leptons and heptons, these omega-3 boosting, fat burning, muscle building, body toning, cancer curing, life saving fruit snacks are all you need to stay in shape, lift 500 pounds, live forever, figure out the meaning of life, and prevent unwanted pregnancies. This superfood contain thousands of antioxidants, vitamins, minerals, and magic that protect your body and will remove toxins from you body by acting as microscopic sponges collecting poisons and heavy metals from your bloodstream and organs! These testimonials will prove their worth*!

“My name is Gulla Bull and I’ve tried your product everyday for 5 weeks. Ever since then I’ve been feeling more energetic and vibrant. These products make me run 3 miles a day and I get like 20 bowel movements a week. I feel so clean inside. I had AIDS and leukemia but Super Prunes helped me get over these “incurable diseases.” They really are super! Thanks a lot!” -Gulla

*This statement has not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. You idiot.

Hey, do you notice the same buzz words being thrown around over and over when it comes to healthiness? Antioxidants, vitamins, minerals, omega-3, energy, weight loss, toxins, metabolism… I could go on. Is there any product, supplement, or diet that doesn’t give you all of these things? It’s pretty amazing so all these things are so easy to accomplish and do so much isn’t it? Come on, I’m sure there are health benefits to having vitamins and minerals and antioxidants and all that, and if you’re lacking in any of them it’s certainly a bad thing, but don’t you think that there might be a point where you have too much of a good thing? If vitamins are so great for you, why aren’t we gulping down vitamin pills by the truckload? That’s because our body only needs small amounts of these things to keep us going. Also, we have kidneys and other organs to regulate the amount of vitamins and minerals we have. Sure we’re constantly using them up, but as long as we’re eating even moderately fortified food, we’ll replenish them up in no time. By the way, antioxidants are not as amazing as you’d think. Sure our body gets damaging free radicals from UV radiation and some “toxins” but our body relies on free radicals in many necessary enzymatic mechanisms! Plus our body has mechanisms to prevent or reverse the damage caused by free radicals, which explains why we don’t get cancer all the time.

There is no need to have a diet excessively filled with this health junk, and buying expensive supplements is probably even more unnecessary. The most important thing to realize is you’re a human being and we like choices and we are swayed by the kinds of food around us and available to us. I like basically all fast food and I eat it like once or twice a week, but I don’t go overboard and get 3 big macs and jumbo fries every time I go. I get like a small chicken sandwich and some nuggets or a double cheeseburger and chili. Mmmm. Something that’s filling but not excessively bad for you. The key to eating well and being healthy is moderation in everything you do. Eat the foods you like, do the things you like to do, but keep in mind what you think and know is healthy and don’t go overboard with eating or doing any one particular thing. That’s how the human body regulates itself, so just don’t mess yourself up, easy as that. The human body was meant to regulate itself, and is pretty damned good at it.

While we’re talking about that, let me say a thing or two about colonics and enemas. First of all, if you’re dumb enough to put water or coffee or whatever in through your butt, you deserve whatever is coming to you. This isn’t South Park – food is meant to go through your mouth and out your ass. Duh. Why do we even have a colon anyway? If it were up to these people, humans would have the colon replaced with a duct that allows poop to just shoot out of your body. The colon is a very important organ folks – reabsorption of water, vitamins and minerals occurs there. That’s why the colon is so long and winding and why it takes several hours for poop to come out of there. If poop really has so many toxins, do you not think the body would want to expel it as fast as possible? The body releases poop at its own rate, it doesn’t need laxatives or, god bless you, liquids forced in there to get it out. Don’t you think that might do damage to the colon or liver or even your anus?

Credibility

If you ask 10 different people how to live a healthy lifestyle, you’ll probably get 10 different answers. It’s hard to know what’s healthy and eating what foods and exercising how much correlates to good health. How about genetic or environmental factors? If well trained and qualified scientists can’t figure this stuff out, what makes you believe that when a person with a PhD in “natural health” will know any better? I’m not saying getting a chemistry degree is any harder or more prestigious (though I think that) but look at the qualifications of these people telling you what will remove toxins and enrich your life. What are the standards of these school that teach natural health. What do you learn from natural health or the American Holistic College of Nutrition? Do I even have to say it. Step 1: Pay money. Step 2: Maybe take some B.S. classes that any Joe Numbskull can pass. Step 3: Degree. Step 4: Write a book that incorporates all the best of the junk you learned, and don’t forget your buzzwords! Toxins! Step 5: Appear on various new programs and articles and make yourself seem like you know what you’re talking about. Step 6: Profit!

Don’t believe me? Look at her brothersulking FAQs! “I’ve changed my mind, and want to return the products for a refund, Can I?Sorry, all sales are final.”[vi]


Gee, I wonder why.


I’m almost sorry I picked on Ms. Martha Vineyard so much, but I could have just as easily picked anyone. Please, when in doubt, just remember, if it doesn’t seem to make sense, but you see other people doing it, it’s very likely these people are idiots and that shouldn’t sway you to do it yourself. Just, please, say no to these stupid detox diets. Don’t even throw a dime their way. It’s a business! Don’t support it, let it die, and the fad will die. End of story. Thank you very much.

Here's to your health.

i) Fox
ii) http://mvdietdetox.com/about
iii) http://www.ajcn.org/cgi/content/abstract/77/2/504
iv) http://www.bbc.co.uk/sn/humanbody/truthaboutfood/young/detox.shtml
v) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYp_Xi4AtAQ
vi) http://mvdietdetox.com/faqs

Eat well, exercise, die anyway

Ah health and fitness, one of my favorite topics.  I'd like to say I'm an expert on the subject - I have been reading health articles online for about three years now - but I can't say that doing so necessarily helped my expertise.  I will say that some principles have stuck, and it did help me lose a lot of weight when I was in religious health nut mode, but still the vast majority of health and weight loss articles are trite, vapid, and reiterations of all the other crap that's put out there.  Really, you have to sort through dozens of useless health articles to find one or two that actually make sense and are buttressed by clinical or scientific research.

So let me if I can condense all the information I've learned into logical, well constructed advice.  I'd say first of all, don't believe anything you read that throws a unilateral viewpoint at you or is trying to sell you something.  Stuff like diet pills or miracle vitamin blends or superfoods or antioxidants all reek of marketing and take a "if A then B" to something like health and wellness where almost all the evidence that we have to date is correlative, not causative.  Also, I feel like people are too high strung over the words "healthy, unhealthy, fattening, slimming, metabolism booster."  I guess the marketing geniuses are really patting themselves on the back for this one.  I mean, is not human spirit to turn everything into a competition?  What better way than to be snobs about the things other people eat and criticize them for being healthy and unhealthy, or seeing how long you can eat a cucumber and broccoli diet just to see how long you can be healthy for until you indulge in a healthy Baconator from Wendy's.

Back in the days, when I was a kid and we were walking 9 miles to school, uphill both ways, people actually did crazy things like exercise and follow a rigorous routine to make a day feel worth it.  Now, it's work, go out to eat, get crazy full, watch TV or unwind on the computer, and sleep.  I mean, no-freaking-duh that would make anyone fat over time, almost irregardless of what you eat.  I guess if you are extremely ascetic and can live off grass and vegan food, then it'll be quite difficult to get fat, but to the rest of us normal people, that's just not an option.  We all know healthy eating and healthy lifestyle go hand in hand, but how many of us are ready to take that plunge?  I mean hell, I ate delicious junk for most of my life and I was quite happy with it.  I don't know if I would change a thing because I got to know what tastes great, what works, and how to enjoy life with a nice mix of "healthy" and junk foods.

Back in the days, food was eaten without acknowledgement to its health status.  Taste and satiety were the standards for food and recipes because people only had so much time they could care about what effects a food were going to have.  People still eat that stuff and call it "healthy" cause old people ate that stuff and are still around.  Well, news flash, humans are omnivores and can eat pretty much anything and survive.  Here's where I'll go all technical and sciency on you, so if this isn't your thing, skip the next paragraph.

Psyche.

So what is food anyway?  How does the human body upkeep itself?  Well for one, we have three main sources of energy: carbs, fats, proteins.  These are more or less designed to be interconvertible, except proteins require other elements (Nitrogen, Sulfur) to make. Why were we made this way? This is because we are remarkably resilient and able to eat whatever was around us and stay alive.

Say you're in 1970's East Asia, a burgeoning area but still quite poor, many meals were made of just rice and small amounts of very salty side dishes to help the rice go down. Lots of carbs, lacking in fats and proteins, but people did pretty good surviving no? I mean, Japan's lifespan is around 80 even with such a nutritionally unsound diet by today's standards. What does this mean to us? Basically, every food that is edible is fair game. All the nutrients can be converted into each other, so what really matters is how much we energy we eat and how much we use up. Energy in, energy out, rest is stored.

So why do people consider things like bacon, grease, fats, white bread “fattening” food? Was it research? No, it's all speculative bullshit. Once people learned to differentiate between fats, carbs, and proteins, and found it on humans, what was their first thought? Oh, eating fats leads to storing fats, so we should cut down on eating fats. Also, we see fatty deposits lined up on arteries, so that means fats, especially saturated fats are bad for you. It's amazing how little logic and scientific foundation this was based on, even as recently as the 90s where this thought was held prevalent.  But since we know that nutrients are interconvertible, we know it's just as bad (probably much worse) to eat a lot of carbs instead of fats.  At least fats generally keep you full longer so you eat fewer calories throughout the day.  Let me repeat that just to make sure people get it in their thick, media-distorted skulls: eating fats do not make you fat.  Eating too much and not getting off your fat ass makes you fat.

So then, most of the distinction between what is a healthy food and not should have been sufficiently blurred, so why bother trying to eat healthy foods?  What people consider healthy foods nowadays are those that have high concentrations of beneficial nutrients (vitamins, minerals, fiber, protein) per calorie of food.  So what's the difference between white bread and whole wheat bread?  More or less, the fiber content.  So if you eat white bread and a few stalks of celery, is the the equivalent of eating a piece of whole wheat bread?  Opinions are mixed, but I say yeah, why not?  If you're commited to eating healthy and you see the need to make adjustments to your diet to incorporate all the things your body needs, then do it by any means necessary.  There's no need to overload your diet with "health" foods, just make sure you get the nutrients you need by day end without eating too many calories.  Ay, there's the rub.

While I'm in full on rant mode, let me get a few other gripes out of the way.  Cholesterol... we can lump this into the "fats" section we were talking about before.  Yeah, it was found in arterial walls, but come on, correlation, causation, oh I'm sorry, it appears you two have never met.  An egg has about 200 mg cholesterol, 66% of the recommended value.  So we say, that's a lot of cholesterol, that's bad for you.  Why?  Cholesterol is a vital part of human processes - it goes into every cell to promote fluidity and is a basis for synthesis of many hormones and other compounds.  And here's the kicker, we synthesize about 2000 mg of cholesterol a day naturally.  So we're supposed to freak out about eating 10% more?  Don't you think our bodies will respond by synthesizing a little less cholesterol to adjust, cause you know, we humans are pretty good at that.

Oh, and on vitamins and minerals and supplements, your body does its best to preserve the things it needs.  When you're not getting enough of a vitamin or mineral, it will do the best it can to make do without it, but eventually it's just going to run out or degrade.  But there's a reason they're call supplements - it's because they supplement our diet i.e. we don't need that freaking much of them at all.  Any excess will either be wasted or actually create an overload that can cause toxicosis.  The beauty of the human diet is that it is so varied that we get all the things we need to survive and thrive without thoughtlessly throwing more vitamins and minerals into our diet.  BUT if you're a vegetarian or a carnivore, you will be deficient in certain areas and excessive in others, which throws your body out of whack, which shows once again that excess cannot be sustained and moderation is key in just about anything you can think of.  I'm looking at you freaking vegan hippies, as well as people that can't eat anything but steaks and chops because they don't like the taste of vegatables.


So what can you get out of this extended entry?  Basically eat what you like, but just keep in mind what and how much you're eating.  If you don't like a food, don't eat it, it's okay.  There's plenty of substitutes.  I don't like cauliflower, but I love its cousin broccoli and they have similar nutritional profiles.  You don't have to calorie count or anything, but if a food is "healthy" like fruits, veggies, nuts, whole wheats or whatnot, go ahead and eat as much of it as you like.  Don't eat until you get stuffed, eat until you feel like you're about to be satisfied or about 80% full, and if you get hungry again, just eat some more. 

Eat "unhealthy" foods like chocolate, ice cream, chips or whatever you like every day, in moderate amounts, so you're satisfied but don't feel the need to overindulge in anything.  Try to keep some semblence of a routine including eating breakfast and sleeping at regular times - amazingly this comes from a post-college student used to sleeping around 4 or 5 am, but things sure changed.  Exercise once in a while, jeez, it's not that hard.  Don't you get tired of being online or watching TV all day and not moving around?  I feel like a jitterbug when I'm sitting around for more than like 4 hours.

You Can't Spell Rap Without Sex?

According to some studies, listening to sexual song lyrics lead to more sex.  Not that I'm against that, as long as it leads to me having more sex, but even as a musically open-minded individual I find that a lot of "music" on the airwaves is excessively degredatory and plain unlistenable.  I mean, imagine if you had to listen to some of these songs without the beat, just analyzing the lyrics or whatever - it would be pure garbage.  For example: the salacious song "Lollipop" which gets stuck in my head at times because of its nauseating beat and repetitive lines.  I couldn't actually figure out what the hell they were saying, so I bothered to look it up.

Okay, lil mama had a swag like mine
Even wear her hair down her back like mine
I make her feel right when its wrong like lyin
Man, she ain never had a love like mine
N' man I aint never seen a *** like hers
And that pussy in my mouth had me at a loss fo words
Told her to back it up like erp erp
And make that *** jump like shczerp shczerp
And thats when she said I lo-lo-look like a lollipop

What?  What the hell is this?  Yeah, it's not like this stuff is new - sexuality has been overt in music for much of the 21st century, but I'd like to think something better than this can be a top 10 song on the radio.  It isn't as if sex hasn't been a mainstay for several decades now.  People have thought about sex since we were cavemen, but part of the appeal, as always, is in the mystery.  When you're 12, you're not too sure what a dirty thought is exactly, privy on the art of making love, blissfully unaware of exactly what a sexual healing entails.  But as we grow, we look back on these songs and go "Ha, that's what they meant.  They sure snuck that by good, what chicanery!"  Look at "Come On Eileen":

Come on Eileen,                                       
I swear (well he means) At this moment you mean everything,
With you in that dress my thoughts I confess verge on dirty
Ah come on Eileen.

Heck, even the title sounds disturbingly sexual.  To me, this reveals an era where people had a brain, an imagination, where people had to decipher the meanings of things.  Contrasted to today's barefaced society, we can see how literalism hinders our abilities to put two-and-two together, to effectively problem solve, to think for ourselves and utilize our opinions and those around us to come up with a common solution.  Popularizing a song about having a pussy in your mouth doesn't leave much to the imagination does it? 

Which really, if you think about it, is one of the prevailing problems of our time.  Sex is so ubiquitous that 1) we think everyone's having it all the time and if we don't, there's a problem with us, and 2) we're growing to accept what sex should be like, how people should look and act during sex, how big boobs, butts, and dicks should be, and how often we should be having it.  I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, but I've been taught numerous times through the media and the ducts of society that sex should be a meaningful union between two or more people; it should be about making love, and that since everyone is unique, it can be expected that no two people have sex the same way, but it is made good by adapting to the other person. 

I'm not saying that we should filter out sex from songs entirely or play nothing but 80's hits, but can't we get a little more originality out of mainstream media?  The real problem comes from what radio stations and music television (Does that even exist anymore?) decide to play.  I mean, "Laffy Taffy," are you serious?  It's a crime that such a crappy song became popularized.  Assuming that the Laffy Taffy is allegorical to a butt, why would anyone want theirs to be compared to a flat, thin, artificial candy? 

The other issue is that songs are so cookie-cutter these days that you can barely tell what the title is or who the artist is when it comes on the radio.  Ok, so, it's a love song, it's sung by a pop-star princess, she declares everlasting love to some apparent mythological god who has no flaws, uh, is it Britney, Christina, Mandy Moore, Avril, Sara Baraeiles, Celine, some new chick?  Why does every song on the radio have to revolve around three things: love, sex, breakups?  Are people that shallow that they can only define their existence via others?  Or is that the message that we have to send out so everyone is more socially acceptable.  And would it hurt to use some 8th grade vocabulary in the songs, you know, to make it seem kind of cool when you hear a big word and want to look it up, not be turned off by them?

Not just that, but these songs are just flat out lies too.  Love songs are the biggest load of crap that I've ever heard.  Yeah they spew sentimental lines and can make a girl or guy fall for you, but can you really keep up all you say in your lyrics?  I'll love you forever?  Unless you do something really bad that makes me want to divorce you.  They sing love is unconditional - as long as the other person figures out how to stay perfect in their eyes.  And sex?  Don't get me started.  I'd like to meet these people who are having enjoyable, passionate sex "all night long" and recommend them my favorite urologist and refer them to the redness/chafing/blistering section of the pharmacy.

See, what we need is more honesty in songs, maybe if somehow, someone can put a song like this, incorporating sex, love, and relationships into a catchy beat, we can start a revolution.

Real Love

By: Myself

Uh uh hey girl you know what I want

I want to ask you out so we can have some fun

But you know I'm not all that smooth I'll prolly stutter

And embarass myself in front of your mother

 

We'll meet up a few times have a couple dates

By then I'll be looking to fornicate

But for now I'll go ahead and feign interest

Like I give a damn if you pick the blue or red dress

 

It's been a few months and it's about time

Whether to let you go or make you mine

I guess this is about when I should say I love you

To prolong the decision I'll make it for you

 

Somehow you believe me but now I'm gettin' impatient

I need some love baby, so how 'bout we go make it

I'll give it to you all night long I swear

Give you an hour of foreplay from your toes to your hair

 

Alright this is it we're finally gonna do it

Forget anticipation, let's get right to it

Oops sorry, I didn't mean to finish so quickly

Now I gotta pass out, I feel so sickly

 

Hey come on now, that was pretty good sex

You know at least it was better than your ex (right?)

But we've been going out so long now you don't wanna break up

We get into fights but somehow we still make up

 

So now we've been together for over a year

I stopped chillin' with my homies and drinking beers

You know I love you girl, I always will

Just make sure you don't stop working out, I'll keep payin the bills

 

It's been a few years now and I gotta say

That the quirks I liked about you, now today

Are really starting to irritate and piss me off

It's like you're my doctor sayin' turn your head and cough

 

Don't even get me started on our love life

You might as well cut off my manhood with a knife

Who needs it when I'm living with you

You might wanna learn how to be a better beau

 

Jesus Christ I'm not perfect, you think you can do better

Fine, leave then, don't come back when it's shitty weather

I'm a damn catch, they'll all want me

3 months later... Hey come back baby! (I love you)